Endless Love

Chalk another one up for J-Date. ;)

Everlasting Love

The race begins.

Will the rose crumble before your relationship?

Goodbye Old Girl

Manhattan Matthes




Born: March 27th, 1993

Died: May 9th, 2009 at 10:16AM

Today the sickness died, but you will live forever.

Suicide is Pointless

This past weekend I attended the memorial service of a young man who died well before his time. I say this, because he took his own life in the last few days of February in his NYC apartment. He was 41 years old.

His name was Christopher, and I did not know him well. In fact, I never would have attended his service had I not been the guest of someone he had gone to school with. I don't really want to say more on this subject, for fear of revealing his full identity.

Despite the fact that Chris came from a strong Roman Catholic Italian family, he was unable to have a proper service in the Catholic Church because he took his own life. Apparently some residents of Vatican City are in fact without sin, and fond of throwing stones.

Instead his modest service was held in a Queens funeral home, presided over by a kind-faced Irish priest whose soft words and sharp accent lent a small sense of peace to a deeply troubled group of mourners.





I was most likely the most detached member of the audience, as I only had the pleasure of meeting Chris once by chance on a NYC street corner. However, there was something about him that I liked immediately.

He was politically right wing, which is normally not my cup of tea. However, he was an aspiring film-maker and full of enthusiasm. If you have spent some time in the film business, you understand how difficult it is to keep up that level of energy and optimism. On top of that, he had done many things in his life. He had served in the military, and he had a master's degree in journalism.

As I sat there, in the back row of the small funeral home, I was struck by the utter senselessness of it all. Chris' father had died a few years ago from cancer, but his mother, sister and two brothers sat up front listening closely to the priest. They were all clearly devastated, but it was his older brother that was taking it the hardest. With almost every mention of his baby brother, his body shuttered violently and tears streamed down his face.

I am an only child, but I can imagine what he must have been feeling. This was his little brother. He was supposed to protect him and look out for him. Why had he not seen the signs? What more could he have done?

Before the service I got a chance to briefly speak with his sister. She told me, "Chris had his moments of depression and sadness, but who doesn't?" "We would have done anything for him."

There are cases where depression can be purely chemical and not situational. This is by far the most dangerous form it can take. I have only experienced that type of depression once, several years ago, as a withdrawal symptom from a prescribed drug I was coming off. Fortunately for me, the chemical darkness completely lifted as quickly as it came eight days earlier.

I will never minimize that type of depression as long as I live. It is extremely dark and scary, but most of all there is little one can do about it without help of some kind.

I am not sure exactly what I am trying to say in this post, except that suicide is tragic and in my opinion completely senseless. No one really knows if it is an effective escape from hardship. What is certain, is the pain that is left behind.

You never know when things will turn around. You never know when the clouds will part and the sun will shine again. Until that time, you must simply persevere and see things out.

Don't spare yourself because the Catholic Church condemns suicide. Spare yourself because there is beauty in the world. There are good things in absolutely everyone. There is always some hope around the corner, and most importantly there are people who love you.

Nothing says "I love you" like ...

President Bush declared today that "the successes we are seeing in Iraq are undeniable" as he gave a rousing defense of the war on its fifth anniversary before a receptive but not overwhelmingly enthusiastic Pentagon audience.




Has it been 5 years already?

Wow ... Time really flies when you are killing people.

It is traditional to give a thoughful gift on these major relationship milestones.

"Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home" by Emily Post, published in 1922, contains some suitable suggestions for anniversary gifts for 1, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 50 and 75 year marks.

In England and America, 5 Years = Wood

I think this would make a suitable gift for George.

Duality

My Grandmother E-mailed me this story.



An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

"One is evil --- he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

"The other is good --- he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."

"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied,

"The one we feed."


I think most of us feed them both.

I want my ... I want my ... I want my STD

In honor of this Valentine's Day, VH1 will show back to back episodes of their romantic blockbuster reality shows.

ROCK OF LOVE with Bret Michaels
(An aging 80s rock star seeks true love from among the best Long Island and New Jersey has to offer)



A SHOT AT LOVE WITH TILA TEQUILA
(A bi-sexual Myspace star pits men vs. women in a race for her favors)



I LOVE NY
(A reject from the Flavor of Love show attempts to find love, all while keeping her cigarette ash intact and her teeth lipstick free)



Do they sell condoms for television sets?

Love me ... or else.

In the year 1964, the Beatles released their sixth British single entitled "Can't Buy Me Love". Fittingly enough, the song found on the B-side was "You Can't Do That". Obviously the Beatles were trying to say that money does not make someone really love you. It might help certain situations or buy many things, but it will never buy what was meant to be free.

Often when I think of the word "free", I also think of "free will".

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines "free will" as 1) A voluntary choice or decision ... or 2) Freedom of humans to make choices that are not determined by prior causes or by divine intervention.

Does that intervention always have to be divine? No it does not. Throughout time, and often in political situations, we see other types of "intervention" that influences major decisions. Often that "intervention" comes in the form of a threat.

What happens when that "intervention" or threat entwines itself with the emotions and experience of "love"? Can we threaten someone into loving us? Can we use threats to get what we want from a relationship? If we do, will that person love us more of less?

Here is a true story:

One of my good friends was dating a woman for a little over a year, and they had just started to live together. At some point she came to him and said that she wanted to get married. He had a good job, but was not quite comfortable with where he was financially, and he told her that he was unsure about making such a big decision at that moment. He loved her very much, but did not want to take on a commitment that he could not fully live up to.

When she heard his decision, she decided that they would split up. Within a very short period of time had moved in with another guy. Although she was romantically involved with this new man, she had very little connection with him, and made a concerted effort to make this relationship known to her ex.

My friend was broken up. He felt betrayed, and his whole personality changed from one of a happy go lucky guy to a quiet and reserved soul. He was full of anger, resentment and sadness. He was like a trained and broken dog with his tail between his legs.

After several weeks of madness, he contacted her and begged for her to return to him. She agreed, but only if she could get "the things that she wanted". Even though his personal situation had not changed, he could not take seeing this other man with his girlfriend and he caved in.

They are now married and have two children.

I want to hear what you think about these two. Is this the way love is meant to be? Do you believe that this technique for "getting what you want" is an ethical one? Would he have been better off with someone else?

What do you think of him?
(Someone who has trouble pulling the trigger)
What do you think of her?
(Someone who would hold his or her finger on the trigger)

I have my own opinion on this matter, but I really want to hear yours in the comments section please.

Bravery and Love

Please take the time to look through THESE SEQUENTIAL PICTURES.
Keep clicking "Next" and read every single caption.

They tell a very powerful story.

This is a perfect example of why I have have blogged in the past about the importance of all of us stongly supporting the work being done by the doctors and nurses at St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.

Once again, thanks go out to my good friend Greg in Colorado for providing this link.

Find a Friend

First and foremost … Happy Birthday Mom!

The ASPCA was founded in 1866 as the first humane organization in the Western Hemisphere. The Society was formed to alleviate the injustices animals faced then, and they continue to battle cruelty today. Whether it’s saving a pet who has been accidentally poisoned, fighting to pass humane laws, rescuing animals from abuse or sharing resources with shelters across the country, they work toward the day in which no animal will live in pain or fear.

I had some trouble sleeping last night, so I slapped this piece together.



Become a member of the ASPCA, or go to one of their animal shelters and find a cat or dog who needs a good home.

Several years ago I adopted a nine-year-old tiger cat named Manhattan, and I love her with all my heart.

The love of your life

***Who or what is the love of your life?

It seems like an easy question … right?

For some, it might be their family. I certainly love my family more than I can properly describe. I would lay down my life for anyone of them in a second. Perhaps it is my British upbringing, but family is the most important bond in my life. However, love for family is a subject that seems very cut and dry for me.

Some people love their pets. For many people, their pets are their family. I definitely think that pets are the best way to teach a child to love. I know that my sense of love, in large part, comes from my childhood involvement with animals.




***Do we all have one single love of our lives or do we have many?

Some, like Romeo and Juliet might say, “Just one!” … Others have made the argument, like actor Nick Nolte, that “We have many in our lives, and therefore marriage is an unrealistic concept.”




Then again … Nick Nolte’s dates might have been checking out his mug shot (Above)

I would be foolish to say I had the answer to either of these questions. In fact, there is a good chance that the answer for both is different for different people.

I realized that this year marks the 20th year of my dating life. In those 20 years I have been “involved with dozens and dozens of women, but in that time I have only had a few “loves”.

The first, was a girl I met at Northwestern University named Ariana. She was my first love at the age of sixteen. I thought she was very beautiful, and she certainly made my heart skip a beat or two. Although she was an amazing girl, I believe the strength of our relationship was mainly based on how new everything was for both of us. However, for most of us, our first love is often doomed because it comes at a very early age.

My second “love”, was most likely the strongest love of my life to date. Her name was Tricia, and I met her at a University in Connecticut. In her, I felt that I had found a soul mate. Not only did I find her to be very beautiful, but I also thought she was one of the smartest and most engaging people I had ever met. Unfortunately, with the great highs also came great lows. Although the borders of our relationship are hard to define, we saw each other for quite a long time.

I think there were several things that defined my love for Tricia. For starters, I often had a strong feeling, or longing, to protect her. This is the same feeling I have with members of my family. This made her seem like family to me, and she is still the only person I have ever considered as a candidate for marriage. This need to protect and to care for someone or something, is without a doubt, the feeling I most often find synonymous with love. In light of the drama in our eventful relationship, perhaps some would argue that it was protection from her that I really needed.




One interesting thing to me was that she often accused me of overusing the word “love”. When I was with Tricia I often looked at her and thought to myself, “God … I love this girl”. When I felt that in my heart, I often felt the need to put it in words. I am sure I used the phrase “I love you” many times, but I have never been guilty of carelessly throwing it around at the risk of cheapening it’s meaning. Since my relationship with her, I have never used that phrase with another girlfriend. I wonder if she can truly say the same.

Since then, I have seen many girls. The lion’s share of them have been casual relationships for reasons I have blogged about in the past. However, there have been one or two who cracked the ice a bit. For example, in my late twenties I worked with a girl named Erica. There was something about her that was very special. She was one of a small handful who made me want to “give it another try”. Although I never successfully had any type of romantic relationship with her, I know that she had an impact on me.

A good example of that is this: I called her one night and asked her to have dinner with me. She gave me a fairly luke warm, “I am very busy this week”. I decided I would make lemonade with those lemons, and it was that night that I gave up cigarettes.

I am now trying to find these type of feelings again, and I am making changes in the girls that I now see. I will have to wait and see if lightning strikes twice.

Enough about me! I am anxious to hear about what experiences you all have all had in this arena. Who do you consider the “love of your life”? What run-ins have you had with this four letter word called “love”

"The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one other person."
-My fortune cookie from dinner