Love me ... or else.

In the year 1964, the Beatles released their sixth British single entitled "Can't Buy Me Love". Fittingly enough, the song found on the B-side was "You Can't Do That". Obviously the Beatles were trying to say that money does not make someone really love you. It might help certain situations or buy many things, but it will never buy what was meant to be free.

Often when I think of the word "free", I also think of "free will".

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines "free will" as 1) A voluntary choice or decision ... or 2) Freedom of humans to make choices that are not determined by prior causes or by divine intervention.

Does that intervention always have to be divine? No it does not. Throughout time, and often in political situations, we see other types of "intervention" that influences major decisions. Often that "intervention" comes in the form of a threat.

What happens when that "intervention" or threat entwines itself with the emotions and experience of "love"? Can we threaten someone into loving us? Can we use threats to get what we want from a relationship? If we do, will that person love us more of less?

Here is a true story:

One of my good friends was dating a woman for a little over a year, and they had just started to live together. At some point she came to him and said that she wanted to get married. He had a good job, but was not quite comfortable with where he was financially, and he told her that he was unsure about making such a big decision at that moment. He loved her very much, but did not want to take on a commitment that he could not fully live up to.

When she heard his decision, she decided that they would split up. Within a very short period of time had moved in with another guy. Although she was romantically involved with this new man, she had very little connection with him, and made a concerted effort to make this relationship known to her ex.

My friend was broken up. He felt betrayed, and his whole personality changed from one of a happy go lucky guy to a quiet and reserved soul. He was full of anger, resentment and sadness. He was like a trained and broken dog with his tail between his legs.

After several weeks of madness, he contacted her and begged for her to return to him. She agreed, but only if she could get "the things that she wanted". Even though his personal situation had not changed, he could not take seeing this other man with his girlfriend and he caved in.

They are now married and have two children.

I want to hear what you think about these two. Is this the way love is meant to be? Do you believe that this technique for "getting what you want" is an ethical one? Would he have been better off with someone else?

What do you think of him?
(Someone who has trouble pulling the trigger)
What do you think of her?
(Someone who would hold his or her finger on the trigger)

I have my own opinion on this matter, but I really want to hear yours in the comments section please.