Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Love me ... or else.

In the year 1964, the Beatles released their sixth British single entitled "Can't Buy Me Love". Fittingly enough, the song found on the B-side was "You Can't Do That". Obviously the Beatles were trying to say that money does not make someone really love you. It might help certain situations or buy many things, but it will never buy what was meant to be free.

Often when I think of the word "free", I also think of "free will".

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines "free will" as 1) A voluntary choice or decision ... or 2) Freedom of humans to make choices that are not determined by prior causes or by divine intervention.

Does that intervention always have to be divine? No it does not. Throughout time, and often in political situations, we see other types of "intervention" that influences major decisions. Often that "intervention" comes in the form of a threat.

What happens when that "intervention" or threat entwines itself with the emotions and experience of "love"? Can we threaten someone into loving us? Can we use threats to get what we want from a relationship? If we do, will that person love us more of less?

Here is a true story:

One of my good friends was dating a woman for a little over a year, and they had just started to live together. At some point she came to him and said that she wanted to get married. He had a good job, but was not quite comfortable with where he was financially, and he told her that he was unsure about making such a big decision at that moment. He loved her very much, but did not want to take on a commitment that he could not fully live up to.

When she heard his decision, she decided that they would split up. Within a very short period of time had moved in with another guy. Although she was romantically involved with this new man, she had very little connection with him, and made a concerted effort to make this relationship known to her ex.

My friend was broken up. He felt betrayed, and his whole personality changed from one of a happy go lucky guy to a quiet and reserved soul. He was full of anger, resentment and sadness. He was like a trained and broken dog with his tail between his legs.

After several weeks of madness, he contacted her and begged for her to return to him. She agreed, but only if she could get "the things that she wanted". Even though his personal situation had not changed, he could not take seeing this other man with his girlfriend and he caved in.

They are now married and have two children.

I want to hear what you think about these two. Is this the way love is meant to be? Do you believe that this technique for "getting what you want" is an ethical one? Would he have been better off with someone else?

What do you think of him?
(Someone who has trouble pulling the trigger)
What do you think of her?
(Someone who would hold his or her finger on the trigger)

I have my own opinion on this matter, but I really want to hear yours in the comments section please.

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Blogger dusty said...

Here is the url for the video on my site:

I have no idea why you can't link to it..I clicked on the YouTube logo in the right lower corner on the vid and it took me straight to YouTube.

thanks for letting me know..I will try to figure out wtf is wrong.

2:19 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

Love is a strange and complicated emotion. It controls our entire body sometimes. I feel bad for your friend and I have no respect for the woman. I abhor people like her that use the emotions of others against them.

Is she a lawyer? She would make a fine one.

2:23 AM  
Blogger juan headlight 马戏团驯兽师 said...

that's not love, that is emotional blackmail.

9:44 AM  
Blogger ms. sweetland said...

i don't see why when a woman expresses a non-negotionable need, it's a 'threat,' but when a man does it, it's 'being honest.'

10:19 PM  
Blogger Urban Vegan said...

Call me untraditional, but I think it was wrong of the woman to pressure the man

Omniman and I dated for 6 years before marrying, but even if we had never married, I would still be with him and would still be as happy. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

It's the love that matters. The little things. The day-to-day interactions and not whether you call someone husband or wife...or partner... or girlfriend... or significant other... or partner...or old lady...or love of my life. (Personally, I prefer "love of my life.") What matters is how you feel about each other and how you spend each day.

10:21 PM  
Blogger Peter Matthes said...

I completely agree that it was a case of "emotional blackmail".

Well said Mr. Headlight.

Sweetland - Guys don't fuck other women to extort something they want. We fuck other women to fuck other women.

If she had left him because she felt she stood a better chance of marriage with someone else, then she should have just walked away for good. I could respect that.

This was a case of her screwing another guy to simply get what she wanted from him.

I would have told her to keep walking once she took the cock out of her mouth.

But hey ... that's the romantic in me talking.

2:08 AM  
Blogger Peter Matthes said...

Here in NY we call people who sleep with strangers, to get something they want, prostitutes or whores.

Not the same in Washington DC?

My understanding, was that in Washington DC it is often done for the purpose of power and/or political leverage.

4:14 PM  
Blogger KleoPatra said...

Total bullshit. Blackmail. Wrong. Twisted. Perverted. Ugh. This story of your friend and his now-wife made me sad. I've done some dumb-ass things in my life but this... never. Not right.

3:09 AM  
Blogger Alton Nightingale said...

Ms Sweetland: No when a man does it in that situation, it's emotional blackmail too. Clearly the guy was in a state of desperation (ok that issue needs to be addressed also) and for her to take advantage of that is blackmail. If they were both on an even emotional playing field and one or the other had a nonnegotiable need that's one thing, but for anyone to take advantage of someone in that state is underhanded. I don't see a double standard at all. It's just human decency. And, yes, the guy should have dealt with his feelings and figured out the whats and whys so he wouldn't be in that situation. That's the adult responsible thing to do. Nice work if you can get it. Not always the most apparent next step in situations like this. I would daresay perhaps what he was feeling wasn't necessarily simply love either.

6:17 PM  

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