Thursday, January 31, 2008

Brain Trust

"I think I got a B in Econ 101. I got an A, however, in keeping taxes low."

(In a press conference Thursday morning)

I really hope everybody watched the Democratic debate on CNN tonight.

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Porn vs. Reality

Situation One: "The Naughty Student 
Cindi". (An attractive female student with a large rack, walks up to the desk of her professor).


Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?

Professor: Some students do extra credit work.

Cindi: (has sex with him)


Cindi: Is there anything I can do to raise this grade?

Professor: Some students do extra credit work.

Cindi: Like what?

Professor: A seven- to ten-page report about the economic principles behind trade rules in a Micronesian country of your choosing.

Cindi: Oh. That makes sense and is an appropriate extra credit assignment for the course.

Situation Two: "The Hot Teacher
/Paul" (A student in his late twenties, walks up to the desk of his teacher, Professor Mandy, who has enormous breasts).


Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?

Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.

Paul: How?

Professor Mandy: (fellates Paul)


Paul: You wanted to see me after class, professor?

Professor Mandy: Yes. I need to test your performance.

Paul: How?

Professor Mandy: A series of tests based on the material covered in this course.

Paul: Could I just have sex with you instead?

Professor Mandy: (sues Paul)

Situation Three: "The Curious Freshman"
 (A very attractive freshman girl named Candi sits on a bed with her boyfriend, Brett). (Did I mention that Candi has boobs the size of overripe grapefruit? Well ... She does).


Brett: Let's try anal sex.

Candi: Okay.


Brett: Let's try anal sex.

Candi: No.

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008


If I had known about this ... I don't think I would have been so stand-offish with the amusement park mascots when I was a kid.

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Turning on Jesus

It's no wonder that the little boy has his hands deep in his pockets.

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

RIP for a fellow Manhattanite

The Westboro Baptist Church, made famous by protesting the funerals of fallen American servicemen and victims of AIDS, has just recently spoken out on the passing of Heath Ledger.


Someone is going to Hell, and it's not Heath.

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Friday, January 18, 2008

Just Plane Funny

Have you ever been on a plane and had someone next to you talking on their cell phone?

You always seem to get some moron who feels the need to call the person they are meeting ... before the plane docks ... before everyone gets off ... and before they even get their bags.

The days of meeting someone at the gate are long over.

The conversation always seems to go something like this:

"Yeah ... we just landed."
"Yeah ... we are on the tarmac."
"Yeah ... we are taxiing to the gate."


Who cares?

Certainly not the unfortunate people, captive and sitting next to your stupid ass.

I guarantee you, this is the very same guy or girl who feels the need to call you and describe their bowel movement after a big meal.

If you get someone like this on the plane with you.

Someone that drives you absolutely nuts.

If you want to make things a little interesting follow these simple steps:

*** First of all, make sure all of the young children are out of sight, or in the cockpit chatting with the pilot and first officer.

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start it up.
4. Make sure the guy or girl who is annoying you, can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
6. Now ... HIT THIS LINK .

As always ... have a good lawyer standing by.

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Why not try a salad?

A clinical trial of one of the most widely used cholesterol drugs has raised serious questions both about the medicine’s effectiveness and about the behavior of the pharmaceutical companies that conducted the study, cardiologists said Monday.

Merck and Schering-Plough, which make the drug, Zetia, and a pill that contains it, Vytorin, said Monday morning that Zetia had failed to benefit patients in a two-year trial that ended in April 2006.

Listen carefully to the end of the commercial.

“Unexplained muscle pain or weakness could be a sign of a rare but serious side effect, and should be reported to a doctor right away.”

Some patients who take Zetia experience muscle pain, especially if Zetia is taken in combination with statins. Clinical studies have found that up to five percent of people taking Zetia will experience muscle pain. Some of those patients experience muscle pain as a symptom of a couple of very serious problems. Those problems are myopathy and rhabdomyolysis.

Myopathy is a disease in which muscle fibers do not function for one of a number of reasons. It is associated with muscle cramps, stiffness and spasms. Rhabdomyolysis is serious because it can cause the breakdown of muscles, which can cause acute kidney failure and can ultimately be fatal.

Now here is the fun part.

In a press release, Merck and Schering said that not only did Zetia fail to slow the accumulation of fatty plaque in the arteries, it actually seemed to contribute to plaque formation.

Merck and Schering repeatedly missed their own deadlines for reporting the disappointing results, leading cardiologists around the world to wonder what the study would show. At the same time, millions of patients have continued taking Zetia and Vytorin.

The drug companies blamed the complexity of the data for the delay.

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Friday, January 11, 2008

Chew on this

German physicians have just released a shocking report that chewing too much sugar-free gum containing the artificial sweetener sorbitol can cause diarrhea leading to potentially dangerous weight loss.

Whatever you do ... don't give this girl any gum.

Give it to me instead.

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Who asked you?

John Kerry, the 2004 Democratic presidential nominee, gave Barack Obama a timely endorsement Thursday, snubbing Hillary Rodham Clinton as well as his own vice presidential running mate, John Edwards.

Now it would seem that Barack only needs the endorsement of one more Democratic legend to have the political full house.

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Sunday, January 06, 2008

Start Praying to God

If one takes the time to read something, other than the Sunday comics or the OTB racing form, it is difficult not to stumble along a detailed account of the Bush family history with the oil business. The network of family friends, business contacts and political supporters who have a vested interest in the price of oil stretch out like the tentacles of an octopus.

Now. Take a look at the price of oil over the last eight years under the Presidency of George W. Bush.

Does this not strike you as suspicious?

The only thing that this graph leaves out, is the last 10% move that oil has recently made to $100 a barrel.

If the price of peanuts had gone up 600% during the Presidency of Jimmy Carter, do you think there would have been scathing accusations from the Republican Party?

Now, you might ask, "Why should I care about this"?

I know that for many of you the most important thing in life is who will be in the next batch of celebrities on Dancing with the Stars.

Rest assured, the price of oil will not have any effect on that.

What is does have an effect on is the price of EVERYTHING.

Almost everything you can think of is affected by the price of oil.

The gas you pump into your car ... your bloated heating bill … airline tickets ... clothes you buy ... groceries that you need to supply to your family ... the price of a Big Mac sandwich ... and the list goes on and on and on.

Everything in this country needs to be transported to its place of purchase. When the price of gas goes up like this, every single product must absorb that added cost into its retail price.

Have you not noticed the higher prices of almost everything?

My family runs a bakery in Michigan. In the past few years, the price for a bag of artisan baking flour has gone from under $10 a bag to close to $20. What do you think that does to profit margins? That cost must eventually be passed down to the consumer.

Who is the consumer?

You are.

So, let's follow the bouncing ball.

-Oil companies get the price of their oil to be inflated.
-They make money
-The prices of goods go up at a disproportionate level to your income.
-You lose money.

Now read between the lines.

The very rich don’t care if the price of everyday things goes up. They are making so much more money under Bush’s capital gain tax cuts, that they can easily afford it. Bush family members are not cutting Kroger coupons and tracking the price of a gallon of milk

Now I will get to the title of this post.

I have a message to all the lower income Christian whites, Latinos and blacks that voted for George Bush in the last election. The very same voters who felt it was essential to have a President who would rid them of homosexuals and single parent families.

Start praying to your God and start cutting coupons.

I don't know if I am more amazed by the hypocrisy of the "moral" right wing stance, or the stupidity of the lower income Christians to buy into it time and again ... hook, line and sinker.


Frankly, I really miss a president who was concerned about the price of a Big Mac.

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