Reincarnation

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life.

It strikes me as somewhat strange that one of these horrible moments comes around almost every ten years on the nose.

Essentially the decision to put Manhattan to sleep was made on Thursday night. When we brought her into see her doctor that evening, there were three separate pieces of bad news.

The first was that her kidney values had increased once again, suggesting further deterioration of the kidney's ability to filter out toxin. Even more disturbing was her continued weight loss. In just four short days she had lost another 6 ounces breaking the six pound mark. Had she not been eating, this might have made some sense, but her appetite was more than just okay.

The final straw came from her veterinarian, Dr. Smith. She told us that upon physical inspection of Manhattan's belly her intestines felt swollen like rigid garden hoses. This suggested, at best, a violent inflammation of the intestinal tract. More likely, it suggested intestinal cancer. This certainly would explain the violent and unexpected weight loss.

Saturday morning started early, as I drove the rented Ford Escape into midtown over the 59th Street Bridge. The first thing I noticed was a heavy fog that completely obscured the island of Manhattan. I knew that in just a few short hours my Manhattan would be gone as well.




Forty five minutes before our appointment, I picked up my beautiful friend. She was awake, laying on her favorite robe, but with a tired look in her eyes. The painkillers, given to her on Thursday, had now almost completely worn off and the returning discomfort had most likely kept her up most of the night. That made two of us.

Before I placed her in the carrier for the last time, I spent fifteen minutes saying my last goodbye. I tried desperately to look directly into her sunken eyes, and eventually rested my head gently against her furry belly. I remember how warm she felt against my cheek and how incredibly cold I felt inside.

On the way to the car I held her mesh carrier up to every pigeon I could find. I wanted to squeeze out every last drop of her life before it was taken away from her. What I really wanted to do was to stop time completely. At that moment, I would have happily given up every single one of my possessions just to buy her another few years.

If you are interested, the details of what goes on during a feline euthanasia are available on the Internet. Frankly, I do not want to go into them, but I can tell you that you will never experience ten minutes that go by more slowly. The only remarkable thing about this visit, was the woman that performed the procedure. Her name is Dr. Smith and she works at the Astoria Veterinary Group.

For starters, she opened the office early for us so that we would not be rushed. Every step was handled with sensitivity and dignity. At each stage she asked us if we were okay, and then proceeded only when she knew we were ready.

After Manhattan slipped away peacefully, Dr. Smith gently kissed her on the nose. Together, we wrapped her body in a soft piece of of navy blue fleece. In actuality, it was the cover of the L.L. Bean bed that I had bought for her right after I adopted her. It was boldly embroidered with her name. After that, we placed her in the makeshift casket that I was able to find the day before and around that we carefully wrapped white ribbon.

The drive out to Shelter Island was long, the traffic was bad, and I was already exhausted with sorrow. However, as you head further out on Long Island the cars thin off into nothing and the road becomes a single lane.



Off of route 25, we pulled into a small nursery and picked out a very nice dwarf blue spruce tree. It barely fit into the small rented SUV.

Once out on the island, I dropped into a small florist to buy my mom a Mother's Day orchid.

I added to the order one single peach colored rose.




The purpose of driving Manhattan out all this way was to bury her alongside my family home. By the time we arrived, the day was quickly fading, but with the help of my step-father we dug a deep grave and carefully placed her tiny casket in a fortified cavity at the bottom. We filled in the displaced soil and then directly above that planted the blue spruce. In front of that, we carefully placed Manhattan's rose.




This little tree now sits prominently in the sun next to our front porch.




My hope is that this baby blue spruce, with some help, will one day reach itself up to the top deck where my bedroom now sits.

If so, I can once again sleep with my best buddy Manhattan by my side.

Forgiveness

When John Edwards finally admitted on August 8th to having had an extramarital affair, while his wife was battling cancer, there was not one person more disappointed than I was.





I had strongly supported John Edwards as a possible Vice-Presidential candidate choice in 2008. Before that, I had even hoped that he would be the Democratic Party’s nominee for President.





I truly felt that his message of “Two Americas” was exactly what the American people needed to hear.

This message of economic inequality was made even more forceful coming directly from him, a wildly successful and wealthy individual. After all, he was personally benefiting from the Bush’s tax cuts, and at the same time condemning them as unneeded and unfair to working class Americans.

Shortly after his public admission of infidelity, he released this statement:

“If you want to beat me up feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.”

Now, I don’t condone what he did to his wife and his family. However, I really feel this statement is sincere, and that he and his family should be left alone to heal ... if that is possible.




These days, so many people spend way too much of their life judging others. The average person spends so much of their time delighting in the misfortune of others, that they hardly have time for a life of their own.

Who is getting divorced?
Who is cheating on whom?
Who is sick?
Who is dying?

Can everyone get a fucking life already?

Just look at what magazine broke the Edwards story.

The public has such a voracious appetite for other people’s misery, because they have no real excitement in their own lives. The only thing that soothes their own feelings of inadequacy is to hear that someone more powerful, or wealthy, has been taken down.

I strongly believe in many of the central messages contained in the Bible. What really kills me, is that so many people who proudly declare themselves as "true" Christians, have not bothered to read the book they are thumping.

MATTHEW 7:1-5

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

JOHN 8:7

"He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

Unfortunately, It was this rampant pattern of judgment that put me off the thought of attending church when I was a child. I would sit through service after service hearing messages of love and forgiveness, only to then attend a coffee hour full of gossip and rumors.




“Did you hear that ... ?"

“Can you believe that ...?"

John 8:7 is a powerful passage from the Bible. It has grown in meaning for me, as I have grown.

We all sin against each other in some way or another. We are all imperfect, and we all need to spend more time concerned with our own shortcomings and less about those of others.

Just like John correctly stated … Nothing you can do or say will punish someone more than they will punish themselves. Even if that person lacks a sense of guilt or responsibility, karma will exact revenge in a way that you could never imagine.

Holding on to anger only damages the possessor. In the wise words of The Eagles, “It will eat you up inside, baby”.

The Bible teaches forgiveness. A central message that can easily be found in The Lords Prayer.

Once you let go of the anger, a peace creeps in, and ... with time ... the pain fades away.

Into the arms of God.

I have never been a fan of evangelists. I believe they often are hypocrites and take advantage of the poor and weak for their own enrichment.

I have blogged about scumbags like Ted Haggart in the past.

Reverend Robert Tilton, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swaggart and the many other "televangelists" of this world have always made me sick to my stomach.

I must admit that I was not a big fan of this woman's previous husband Jim Bakker and their PTL ministry, but I always felt that Tammy Faye had a good heart.

However, I was shocked to see the pain that Tammy went through before her death Friday.

If you ever doubted the effect that cancer can have on the human body, you may want to take a look at these two clips. The second one is from a Larry King show this month.

Why can't someone like Benny Hinn be subjected to this instead?
(This above link is part 1 of 4 and well worth watching)





I hope that God is in Heaven to welcome her with open arms.

She certainly deserves some peace.

Bravery and Love

Please take the time to look through THESE SEQUENTIAL PICTURES.
Keep clicking "Next" and read every single caption.

They tell a very powerful story.

This is a perfect example of why I have have blogged in the past about the importance of all of us stongly supporting the work being done by the doctors and nurses at St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.

Once again, thanks go out to my good friend Greg in Colorado for providing this link.

Shear Madness

Am I the only one who thinks that this is truly pathetic?

The general public and the media spend so much of their time worried about this girl (Pictured below) shaving her head, because she has no idea what to do with her life.




At the same time, we spend almost no time worried about brave little girls like Eloise (Pictured below) who are losing all their hair because they are fighting for theirs.




Don’t buy the Star magazine, and send the money here instead.

Britney Spears is now reported to be worth 120 million dollars. If she wanted to bring real meaning to her life, she could do so by affecting the lives of thousands of others.

I won’t hold my breath.

Kissing is more fun

This coming Thursday is the 16th of November. It also happens to be the America Cancer Society's Great American Smoke Out. You must truly want to quit to be sucessful. For this reason, you might not necessarily want to use that specific date to quit. However it certainly is a great day to start thinking about when you DO want to quit.

Just about six years ago I gave up cigarettes. It was, without a doubt, one of the best decisions that I have ever made in my life.

One Friday in February of 2001 I bought a pack of my usual brand … Dunhill (Blue). I thought about opening it that night, but for some reason I did not. When I woke up the next morning, I decided that I would never open it. To this day it sits in my bedroom, unopened and sealed, as a constant reminder.

Here are some things I can tell you:

- For a few days you will crawl the walls, but you must power through it.

- For up to six months I would have these dreams that I had cheated and smoked a cigarette. I would wake up thinking, “Well I screwed up … I might as well have another.” Since I had that unopened and SEALED pack in my bedroom, I was able to discern that it was only a dream. My own mind was trying to trick me back into the habit. That is fucked up.

- In about a year, you will stop reaching for one and you will be in the clear. You will most likely never look back.

The ACS gives you these milestones:

-20 minutes after quitting: Your heart rate and blood pressure drops.

-12 hours after quitting: The carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal.

-2 weeks to 3 months after quitting: Your circulation improves and your lung function increases.

-1 to 9 months after quitting: Coughing and shortness of breath decrease; cilia (tiny hair-like structures that move mucus out of the lungs) regain normal function in the lungs, increasing the ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, and reduce the risk of infection.

-1 year after quitting: The excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker's.

-5 years after quitting: Your stroke risk is reduced to that of a nonsmoker 5 to 15 years after quitting.

-10 years after quitting: The lung cancer death rate is about half that of a continuing smoker's. The risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, cervix, and pancreas decreases.

-15 years after quitting: The risk of coronary heart disease is that of a nonsmoker's.

You can calculate the cost of your smoking habit HERE.

If you want a few more reasons to quit, keep this in mind.

* The tobacco industry has hired one lobbyist for every two members of Congress. The major cigarette manufacturers spent well over $40 million in lobbying fees last year alone. With a few exceptions, the Republican behavior on tobacco legislation has historically been pathetic.

* It was the Republican Party that defeated the McCain tobacco bill in the Senate and that prevented the Hansen bill from even being discussed in the House.

*Republicans say that they are against drugs, but tobacco contains a dangerous addictive drug, perhaps the most addictive of them all, and one that is also a gateway drug to all the others.

* Republicans claim to be pro-life. Tobacco causes spontaneous abortion, prematurity, and low birth weight.

* Republicans are, of course, pro-family. And yet nearly half a million families are disrupted every year by a tobacco-related death alone. And moreover, many times that number are disrupted by tobacco-related illness and disabilities.

So … take that cigarette out of your mouth … and put a lobbyist or two on the unemployment line.

THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO LOVES YOU, AND HE OR SHE WANTS YOU TO BE AROUND FOR A VERY LONG TIME.