Black Friday

NEW YORK -Nov. 28) - A Wal-Mart worker was killed Friday after an "out of control" throng of shoppers eager for post-Thanksgiving bargains broke down the doors at a suburban store and knocked him to the ground, police said.




Within hours of the trampling death, customers had lined up behind crime scene tape waiting for the retailer to reopen.

Let me say that again ... waiting for the retailer to reopen.

Never let it be said that Americans have fucked up priorities.

Sunday Giggle Part VII

A.K.A.

"Baby Bel Grande"




Which begs the question ...

Why would anyone throw away a perfectly good burrito?




Yo Quiero Wal-Mart!

Cheap redefined

I have often blogged about my love affair with Wal-Mart in the past.

I mean ... who could not love a high quality department super store who has "Save Money. Live Better" as their motto.

Wal-Mart has always been tight with the big man upstairs.

Plus they have always been so generous with their employees.

When you put those two admirable qualities together, you get this.



If I was bleeding to death, and needed a gauze bandage to save my life, I would sooner die slowly in their parking lot before I would spend a dime in a Wal-Mart store.

I'll wait for the Barabbas & Pontus Pilot playset

Early next month, 425 Wal-Mart chain stores nationwide will begin carrying faith-based toys from One2believe.

One2believe is an innovative toy company that is ministry partners with Focus on the Family and Opus Dei. They specifically target born again parents who would much rather that their kids play with a Samson action figure than a Spider-Man action figure.

These parents can buy the "big man" himself.





If money is no object for junior's Christmas, you can go out and purchase the entire nativity scene.




Or if you want two overly muscular guys wrestling with each other in a homo-erotic pose (Pictured below), you can get that too.

(They are actually Samson* and the nine foot Philistine warrior Goliath*)

*Sold separately and scale completely ignored.




In case you think they left the girls out, you are dead wrong.

For the girls they have created the P31 series. P31 dolls are specifically designed to provide a Bible-based, Christian alternative to other secular toys on the market (like the notorious Bratz Dolls), and to encourage young girls to pursue biblical womanhood.

This is the lovely and creepy Elizabeth P31**.




**Also available in the homegirl version.

Elisabeth stands 18 inches tall, has beautiful empty eyes, long blonde hair, and a contemporary Christian outfit. Elisabeth comes complete with an accessory kit, containing a Bible lesson (based on Proverbs 31:20), two cookie-cutters, and a cookie recipe (Pictured below). She also comes complete with a list of exciting activities like abstinence, getting on her knees and self flagellation.




But don't worry boys and girls.

For those of you who like to play with the other kind of toys ... Wal-Mart has provided another "back to school" sale just an aisle away***.





***Strict limit of 5 boxes per customer.

Shameful is a synonym for cheap

Faced with public demonstrations of discontent by many of its employees, Wal-Mart Stores has developed a wide-ranging new program intended to show that it appreciates its 1.3 million workers in the United States and to encourage them to air their grievances.

As part of the effort, Wal-Mart managers at 4,000 stores will extend an additional 10 percent discount on a single item during the holidays to all its employees, beyond the normal 10 percent employee discount.

As a result, the lucky cashiers and stocking clerks of Wal-Mart will now be able to purchase a special holiday candle (Like the one pictured below) for $6.78 instead of the exorbitant price of $7.62.




Who needs comprehensive health insurance when you can bask in the warm glow of a festive candle?