I'll wait for the Barabbas & Pontus Pilot playset

Early next month, 425 Wal-Mart chain stores nationwide will begin carrying faith-based toys from One2believe.

One2believe is an innovative toy company that is ministry partners with Focus on the Family and Opus Dei. They specifically target born again parents who would much rather that their kids play with a Samson action figure than a Spider-Man action figure.

These parents can buy the "big man" himself.





If money is no object for junior's Christmas, you can go out and purchase the entire nativity scene.




Or if you want two overly muscular guys wrestling with each other in a homo-erotic pose (Pictured below), you can get that too.

(They are actually Samson* and the nine foot Philistine warrior Goliath*)

*Sold separately and scale completely ignored.




In case you think they left the girls out, you are dead wrong.

For the girls they have created the P31 series. P31 dolls are specifically designed to provide a Bible-based, Christian alternative to other secular toys on the market (like the notorious Bratz Dolls), and to encourage young girls to pursue biblical womanhood.

This is the lovely and creepy Elizabeth P31**.




**Also available in the homegirl version.

Elisabeth stands 18 inches tall, has beautiful empty eyes, long blonde hair, and a contemporary Christian outfit. Elisabeth comes complete with an accessory kit, containing a Bible lesson (based on Proverbs 31:20), two cookie-cutters, and a cookie recipe (Pictured below). She also comes complete with a list of exciting activities like abstinence, getting on her knees and self flagellation.




But don't worry boys and girls.

For those of you who like to play with the other kind of toys ... Wal-Mart has provided another "back to school" sale just an aisle away***.





***Strict limit of 5 boxes per customer.