Forgiveness

When John Edwards finally admitted on August 8th to having had an extramarital affair, while his wife was battling cancer, there was not one person more disappointed than I was.





I had strongly supported John Edwards as a possible Vice-Presidential candidate choice in 2008. Before that, I had even hoped that he would be the Democratic Party’s nominee for President.





I truly felt that his message of “Two Americas” was exactly what the American people needed to hear.

This message of economic inequality was made even more forceful coming directly from him, a wildly successful and wealthy individual. After all, he was personally benefiting from the Bush’s tax cuts, and at the same time condemning them as unneeded and unfair to working class Americans.

Shortly after his public admission of infidelity, he released this statement:

“If you want to beat me up feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.”

Now, I don’t condone what he did to his wife and his family. However, I really feel this statement is sincere, and that he and his family should be left alone to heal ... if that is possible.




These days, so many people spend way too much of their life judging others. The average person spends so much of their time delighting in the misfortune of others, that they hardly have time for a life of their own.

Who is getting divorced?
Who is cheating on whom?
Who is sick?
Who is dying?

Can everyone get a fucking life already?

Just look at what magazine broke the Edwards story.

The public has such a voracious appetite for other people’s misery, because they have no real excitement in their own lives. The only thing that soothes their own feelings of inadequacy is to hear that someone more powerful, or wealthy, has been taken down.

I strongly believe in many of the central messages contained in the Bible. What really kills me, is that so many people who proudly declare themselves as "true" Christians, have not bothered to read the book they are thumping.

MATTHEW 7:1-5

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

JOHN 8:7

"He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

Unfortunately, It was this rampant pattern of judgment that put me off the thought of attending church when I was a child. I would sit through service after service hearing messages of love and forgiveness, only to then attend a coffee hour full of gossip and rumors.




“Did you hear that ... ?"

“Can you believe that ...?"

John 8:7 is a powerful passage from the Bible. It has grown in meaning for me, as I have grown.

We all sin against each other in some way or another. We are all imperfect, and we all need to spend more time concerned with our own shortcomings and less about those of others.

Just like John correctly stated … Nothing you can do or say will punish someone more than they will punish themselves. Even if that person lacks a sense of guilt or responsibility, karma will exact revenge in a way that you could never imagine.

Holding on to anger only damages the possessor. In the wise words of The Eagles, “It will eat you up inside, baby”.

The Bible teaches forgiveness. A central message that can easily be found in The Lords Prayer.

Once you let go of the anger, a peace creeps in, and ... with time ... the pain fades away.

Cheating

Do men or women cheat more often, and who is better at it?




Men are not saints by any means. They often will cheat on their significant other. It is accurate to say that even the nicest men are sometimes dogs.

Polls are taken every year on the subject of infidelity, but it often seems that men are expected to cheat on their partner nearly 50% more than women.

However, I believe that women are much better liars. I have often been amazed how well a woman can lie to you while she broadly smiles and tell you that she is not.

I can say that I have still not cheated on a girlfriend. However, I have come extremely close on a few occasions. The closest I ever came to weakening was in my second year of college.

In my sophomore year, I had started dating a girl who I will call Jane. She and I had seen each other on the very first day of school (orientation), but had not been able to find one another in our freshman year for various reasons. We talked a few times over the summer, and finally began dating in the first week of the second year. A few months in, and were beginning to become exceedingly important to each other.

Also attending my University was this beautiful girl named Lori. She had been a very good friend to me for over a year. We had lightly flirted a few times in that first year, but nothing had ever come of it. Now that I was no longer single, I must have become more appealing to her.

One night I was hanging out with her in her dorm room. This was not unusual, since I had done so many times in an innocent manner. That night, I am sure that I had smoked a little pot (also not unusual for me at that time), and I was getting fairly sleepy. As fate would have it, I was on her bed. I slipped off for a minute or two, and when I opened my eyes the lights were dimmed and I felt this girl slip quietly into bed with me.

Did I mention that this girl was really beautiful?

She snuggled in next to me, and within a few seconds I found her eyes and lips within inches of mine. I had imagined this many times the previous year, and here was my chance. I would be lying if I said that I was not tempted.

Did I mention that this girl was really very beautiful?

There was one major problem though. The girl I was seeing at the time (Jane) meant a great deal to me. Even though we had not progressed to the stage of love yet, I cared very deeply for her. With this in mind, I sat up in the bed and politely left the room. The fact that I was able to do this, still surprises me to this day.

On the way down the stairwell of my dorm room, I ran into Jane. It turns out that she had been on her way upstairs to see if I was with Lori in her room. I did not know it at the time, but her fears were not reassured by seeing me just then. Jane still had it in her head that something had indeed happened with Lori that night.

The following weekend, unbeknownst to me, Jane went home and slept with her ex boyfriend for revenge.

There is no moral to this story. Sometimes making what you think is the right decision does not always work out in the end. I guess you can only do what you think is right, and hope that karma treats you well.

Change

Do people really change?

As we grow older … do we really change?

I often hear people say, “He or she will never change”

We all know the axiom, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

This Christmas season, you are all likely to see at least one interpretation of “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. As I am sure you know, it is the Victorian morality tale of an old and bitter miser, named Ebenezer Scrooge. Mr. Scrooge is a moneychanger who has spent his life concentrating on the accumulation of wealth. He holds anything other than wealth in contempt including friendship, love and the Christmas season.




Ebenezer undergoes a profound experience of redemption over the course of one evening. Several spirits visit Scrooge throughout the night, omnisciently showing him his Past, Present, and Future. These time traveling visions cause him to change his life. He reverts to the generous, kind-hearted soul he was in his youth before the death of his sister.

I have always liked this story a lot. A guilty pleasure for me is the 1988 film version “Scrooged” staring Bill Murray. My favorite part is when the prop guys, despite their best efforts, cannot get the little antlers to stay on the heads of the live mice to be used in the live TV production. Bill Murray asks, “Have you tried staples?”

The idealist in me believes in this story, and the important moral contained within … “It is not too late to turn it all around”. Unfortunately, in real life, I think we more often see the dark side of change.

A girl I know often talks about her ex boyfriend. Although she dated him for a very long time, and they loved one another, he was consistently abusive to her in various ways. After six years she finally came to the conclusion that he would never change, and has painfully closed the book on him.

Another example is a close friend of mine. He used to optimistically wear his heart on his sleeve. He came from a divorced family, which is not unusual growing up in NYC, but he firmly believed in true love. In college, he met this girl and fell deeply in love with her. Over a period of time she cheated on him time and time again. With each act of deceit, I could see the idealism drain away. One final betrayal, later in their relationship, was especially humiliating, and it knocked him to his knees.

Eventually he and this girl broke up, but the fatal blow came many years later when she called him to tell him that her current boyfriend was beating her and threatening her life. He confided in me that this actually cut the deepest. He had loved her so very much. Yet here she was, years later, willing to accept violence and death threats over him.

After that, he was never the same. He became quite cold and callous. He didn’t treat girls that badly, but he didn’t care about them whatsoever. He had been undeniably changed for the worse. The one thing that impressed me about this guy was that he did not perpetuate a cycle of cheating. He just ceased to really care anymore.

I think this cycle of duplicity can be, and often is, perpetuated. It is no coincidence that more than half of sexual predators have been victims of sexual abuse themselves, while more than a quarter had been victims of incest. Similarly, some victims of school bullies transform into bullies themselves and seek out their own victims. This type of cyclical “change” has a negative domino effect.

Now that I have you all ready to jump off a cliff, give this some thought. The cycle works both ways.

Peace activist, Anne Herbert, and college professor, Chuck Wall, helped coin the phrase “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty". However it is Larry Stewart (Below), a 58 year-old businessman from Kansas City who best personifies it. For over 25 years this “Secret Santa” has spent the holiday season giving away money to people in need.




He has only now revealed his identity, because he has developed esophageal cancer. Along with this condition comes a treatment costing close to $20,000 a month. Naturally, his scumbag insurance company will not pay for this treatment. I think it is time for all his good karma to come back to him. I wish I personally had the money to pay for every cent of his treatment. His story is found here.

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change.

~John A. Simone, Sr.