Reincarnation

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life.

It strikes me as somewhat strange that one of these horrible moments comes around almost every ten years on the nose.

Essentially the decision to put Manhattan to sleep was made on Thursday night. When we brought her into see her doctor that evening, there were three separate pieces of bad news.

The first was that her kidney values had increased once again, suggesting further deterioration of the kidney's ability to filter out toxin. Even more disturbing was her continued weight loss. In just four short days she had lost another 6 ounces breaking the six pound mark. Had she not been eating, this might have made some sense, but her appetite was more than just okay.

The final straw came from her veterinarian, Dr. Smith. She told us that upon physical inspection of Manhattan's belly her intestines felt swollen like rigid garden hoses. This suggested, at best, a violent inflammation of the intestinal tract. More likely, it suggested intestinal cancer. This certainly would explain the violent and unexpected weight loss.

Saturday morning started early, as I drove the rented Ford Escape into midtown over the 59th Street Bridge. The first thing I noticed was a heavy fog that completely obscured the island of Manhattan. I knew that in just a few short hours my Manhattan would be gone as well.




Forty five minutes before our appointment, I picked up my beautiful friend. She was awake, laying on her favorite robe, but with a tired look in her eyes. The painkillers, given to her on Thursday, had now almost completely worn off and the returning discomfort had most likely kept her up most of the night. That made two of us.

Before I placed her in the carrier for the last time, I spent fifteen minutes saying my last goodbye. I tried desperately to look directly into her sunken eyes, and eventually rested my head gently against her furry belly. I remember how warm she felt against my cheek and how incredibly cold I felt inside.

On the way to the car I held her mesh carrier up to every pigeon I could find. I wanted to squeeze out every last drop of her life before it was taken away from her. What I really wanted to do was to stop time completely. At that moment, I would have happily given up every single one of my possessions just to buy her another few years.

If you are interested, the details of what goes on during a feline euthanasia are available on the Internet. Frankly, I do not want to go into them, but I can tell you that you will never experience ten minutes that go by more slowly. The only remarkable thing about this visit, was the woman that performed the procedure. Her name is Dr. Smith and she works at the Astoria Veterinary Group.

For starters, she opened the office early for us so that we would not be rushed. Every step was handled with sensitivity and dignity. At each stage she asked us if we were okay, and then proceeded only when she knew we were ready.

After Manhattan slipped away peacefully, Dr. Smith gently kissed her on the nose. Together, we wrapped her body in a soft piece of of navy blue fleece. In actuality, it was the cover of the L.L. Bean bed that I had bought for her right after I adopted her. It was boldly embroidered with her name. After that, we placed her in the makeshift casket that I was able to find the day before and around that we carefully wrapped white ribbon.

The drive out to Shelter Island was long, the traffic was bad, and I was already exhausted with sorrow. However, as you head further out on Long Island the cars thin off into nothing and the road becomes a single lane.



Off of route 25, we pulled into a small nursery and picked out a very nice dwarf blue spruce tree. It barely fit into the small rented SUV.

Once out on the island, I dropped into a small florist to buy my mom a Mother's Day orchid.

I added to the order one single peach colored rose.




The purpose of driving Manhattan out all this way was to bury her alongside my family home. By the time we arrived, the day was quickly fading, but with the help of my step-father we dug a deep grave and carefully placed her tiny casket in a fortified cavity at the bottom. We filled in the displaced soil and then directly above that planted the blue spruce. In front of that, we carefully placed Manhattan's rose.




This little tree now sits prominently in the sun next to our front porch.




My hope is that this baby blue spruce, with some help, will one day reach itself up to the top deck where my bedroom now sits.

If so, I can once again sleep with my best buddy Manhattan by my side.

The Only Difference Between Men and Boys Is the Price of Their Toys

Since I only seem to talk about politics on this blog, it is not very obvious that in college I majored in film-making.

However, after four years of film school, frustratingly I didn't get many chances to shoot film. Instead, I found myself spending more time as an Assistant Director and Producer/Production Manager. Since I am approaching 40, I thought it was time to remedy this by buying myself a serious camera system. Call it my mid-life crisis.

The camera I decided to go with is the Sony EX3. It is the first small HD camera endorsed by the Discovery Channel to be 100% broadcast-worthy. Much to the dismay of my check book, I added to it the Letus Ultimate depth of field adapter. The adapter, which looks a little like an elephant trunk, allows me to use the fast Nikon prime lenses that I already own, instead of the stock video lens that the EX3 comes with. To add insult to injury, I added the Arriflex MMB-1 Matte Box / Follow Focus system and Zacuto plates and rods. When all is said and done, I basically could have bought myself a new BMW and a vacation to French Polynesia.

Here are a couple pictures of the fully built package.*

*(For those people in the know ... I have mounted the should pad under the lens assembly simply as a place to keep it out of the way and the hand grips would normally be removed while on the legs.)






On our first weekend together, we spent our honeymoon in one of my favorite places, Shelter Island, NY. I grew up on the island and it holds a special place in my heart. I picked it because our house there is spacious, clean and quiet. This is essential when learning a new camera system. The island also has a number or good locations for camera tests.


The beach and the nesting ospreys.




Time lapse sunsets from Serpentine Road.



With any camera system ... and this one especially ... you are forced to become your own technician. Some of this equipment is very specialized, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I was taking stuff apart and putting it back together again.





With each day this is getting easier, and I hope that by the end of this month I no longer need to carry a bottle of aspirin around with me.

Hopefully I will post some test footage in the near future.

*Special thanks to my novice assistant camera person, and unpaid personal photographer.

Rebel without a bike ... for now.

This is the exact configuration of a Ural motorcycle that I would like ... minus that wussy windshield on the sidecar.




I think Peter might be buying himself a present this year.

It would be great for zooming around Shelter Island this summer.

Plus, big dogs and very beautiful women love to ride shotgun ... with their tongues hanging out*.

*This mainly pertains to the big dogs.