COLD WAR II

Early today, it was announced that Russia had sent troops and tanks rolling into Georgia.

In response to this aggression, the local Macon militia was quickly mobilized to combat the problem.




“We have more than enough beer and bullets to keep them pinko reds at bay for several weeks”, declared their fearless leader Billy Bob Durette (pictured above with beer)

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir V. Putin declared, “War has started”

This declaration only served to inflame the already angry Georgians.

“I say bring them commie bastards on”, exclaimed Cletus McBride.
(pictured below with Ford F150)

“I have been waiting to use this gun for ages”.

Top Five

Here are the top five reasons you should not vote for John McCain.

"Drumroll"

1) John McCain positions himself as pro-environment, but he scored a 0—yes, zero—from the League of Conservation Voters last year. We really don't need any more pollution.




2) The Children's Defense Fund rated McCain as the worst senator in Congress for children. He voted against the children's health care bill last year, then defended Bush's veto of the bill.





3) According to Bloomberg News, McCain is more hawkish than Bush on Iraq, Russia and China. Conservative columnist Pat Buchanan says McCain "will make Cheney look like Gandhi.




4) His reputation is built on his opposition to torture, but McCain voted against a bill to ban waterboarding, and then applauded President Bush for vetoing that ban.




5) ... And finally, Heidi Montag is going to vote for him*.




"Rimshot"

*However, it has been reported by credible sources that her breast implants have decided to cross party lines and vote for Obama.