SO MUCH TROUBLE IN THE WORLD

Saturday, December 02, 2006

King Herod had the right idea

Today I spent some time trying to pick up some of the dozens of gifts I have to buy this holiday season. I have not felt well these past few days, so I am in a choice mood right now. This might explain my behavior later in the post.

I would have thought that Christmas shopping on December 2nd would give me chance to beat the massive crowds ... but NOOOooooooo!

As I made my way to the uptown location of Brooks Brothers, I found out that Fifth Avenue was absolute madness! I mean it was wall-to-wall tourists. If there is one thing that native New Yorkers hate more than anything ... it's oblivious tourists.




They spend all their time looking up at the tall buildings ... taking pictures ... and eating street food. No matter how hard you try to avoid them ... THE WALK RIGHT INTO YOU!

ARGH #%@$#!


Amidst this sea of tourists was this one woman pushing her ... not one ... not two ... but three kids in a triple wide stroller (Pictured Below). I saw her coming half a block away, and I knew instantly she was a mega bitch. She was not using this stroller as a transportation device for her kids, but as a blocking sled to make her way through the crowds. I saw her clip two people ... one badly ... and she was hurtling right towards me.




Despite the masses, she was looking straight down at her rug rats, so I made a move to my right to get out of her way. Without warning, she suddenly turned straight into me and slammed the stroller right into shins. Without a pause, she looked straight at me and snarled, "Why don't you look where you are going?"

Most of you who know me, know that I a fairly nice and patient person. But at this very moment, the gloves were coming off. I quickly responded, "Lady, if you don't watch where the fuck YOU are going, someone like myself is going to shove that stroller right up your ass ... piece by piece."

She was stunned. She quickly turned and sped away.

I must admit ... this made my day. I turned ... dropped a dollar into the Salvation Army pot on the corner and whistled the rest of my way to Brooks Brothers.

This is my home and I love NY!

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8 Comments:

Blogger grumpygirl said...

i know a great place you can shop, for fabulous handmade dinnerware, at really great prices. holiday sales, too. try alyssaettinger.etsy.com.

;-)

10:10 AM  
Blogger the fourth person said...

YOU GO BOY!

10:16 AM  
Blogger meesh said...

"If it's called tourist season, why can't we shoot them?"

Ah, the holidays in NYC. I really do miss the city and how pretty it is around christmas. Take a stroll through Little Italy for me if you get a chance, huh? :)

I do not miss the craziness and the crowds. Sometimes you just have to lash out at the idiots. Maybe Stroller-Lady will do the rest of her holiday shopping online. We can only hope...

3:54 PM  
Blogger Vivacious Vegan said...

I've opted out of Christmas for the last 3 years and plan to do the same this year. You can read all about it here: http://vivaciousvegan.blogspot.com/2006/11/i-racked-my-brian-trying-to-find-you.html

It really feels so refreshing not to have to bother with all the nonsense!

I think that woman rightly deserved your response and probably a bit more.

8:36 PM  
Anonymous johan swarts said...

lol

2:37 PM  
Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

that was very well written.

2:59 PM  
Anonymous Friend of your aunt Josie said...

You kind of lost the moral high ground when you spoke like that in front of the kids . . . . . was with ya til that point.

Then you BOTH became self-absorbed asses.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Peter Matthes said...

I never liked the moral high ground very much.

It is a nice place to look down from your high horse, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Perhaps her kids can walk their fat asses down the sidewalk next time.

8:49 PM  

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