Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Till death do us part.

I am sitting here watching the Yankees kick a little Red Sox ass, and a commercial comes on the YES network. It is this horrible piece of crap for life (Death) insurance.

INT – Kitchen. Father and daughter put away plates.

Father: “Your mom and I are getting to that age when we need to think about our final expenses.”

Daughter: “That is really good. When Bob’s (Her husband) parents died they saddled us with those expenses.”

Father: “Well, we found a good policy from So and So Life. They provide for all of our final expenses, and they take care of everything.”

Daughter: “I really wish Bob’s parents had done that.”

“Blah Blah Blah … Buy this insurance.”


Then there is some other commercial out there where a moderately older woman is putting quarters into a parking meter.

Kids: “Come on Grand-Ma!”

Quarter toting Grand-Ma: “Be right there! (Turning to audience) Wouldn’t it be great if life were like this parking meter? We could just keep adding quarters and keep on living.”

“Blah Blah Blah … Buy this insurance.”


There are others. Most of them involve old people playing cards or at a cook out. They are always talking about one of their old friends who just died, and all the hassle of their “final expenses”. Then they share this “valuable” information about some insurance company that for $58 a month will, when the time comes, bury their tired ass.

I tried to find even one of these tasteless commercials on or Google, but I could not find one. This is most likely because they all suck so badly.

Maybe it’s just me, but there are so many things that bother me about these ads and the companies that run them.

- Real old people don’t sit around and talk about their own death. Kids do not prepare breakfast with their parents and talk about who is going to pay for the cremation. This is an effort by these scumbag insurance companies to get more people talking about death. I, for one, would like to see the death of the insurance companies.

- When my parents eventually die, the last fucking thing I will be thinking about is; “How much is this going to cost me?” The cost will be obvious, and it has nothing to do with money. I love my parents more than I can express in words. I will have much bigger things to think about when they die. To be honest, part of me would like to go first.

- Insurance companies are the lowest of the low, and completely full of shit. Just ask all those poor people down in New Orleans trying to get money for their homes that washed or blown away. Knowing insurance companies, they will most likely blame your parent’s death on the lack of fiber in their diet.

- When one of those kids at P.C. Richard asks me if I want the extended service plan for my new refrigerator, I say, “You can shove that extended three-year warranty straight up your ass, (look at nameplate) ... Chadd.” Well … I am definitely thinking that ... as I say politely; “No … thank you” (4 times).

Why can’t we have some taste in this country? Is it all the 99-cent cheeseburgers we are eating?

Here is a life insurance commercial from Thailand. It does not contain one word in English. It doesn’t have to. It tells it's story using moving pictures. The commercial is first and foremost about love. Life insurance is secondary. Sometimes a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.


- Holy crap … Manny Ramirez is amazing. He is launching balls tonight.
We should buy him.

- I may be the only Yankee fan who thinks that The “Big Unit” is a big waste of money.


Blogger L.L.COOL J.= Ladies Love Cool Jes said...

I totally agree with you about those life insurance commercials!!!!

9:10 AM  
Blogger Amanda Han said...

Thanks for the dog comments - yours looks great.

have another look at the blog as I'm putting some more ones of the dogs on later today.

10:05 AM  
Blogger smartypants said...

It's pretty tacky to bash your in-laws after they've died.

11:20 AM  
Blogger grumpygirl said...

i don't think you're completely spot-on here.

yes, insurance companies are money hungry and evil. they promote and prey on fear.

however, it's perfectly normal to sit around with your family and discuss your last wishes... you're mid-30s, you've never had this kind of discussion? everyone in my family (all three of us) knows what the other wants down to who to invite, or not invite, to funerals.

1:38 PM  
Blogger LaineyWorld said...

P.S. Speaking as a woman, a "Big Unit" is never a bad thing. *snort*

1:40 PM  
Blogger anne altman said...

bash the in-laws while they're alive so everyone benefits.

2:18 PM  
Blogger smartypants said...

That's what I'm saying! Don't waste another minute!

3:31 PM  
Blogger Peter Matthes said...

Oh yes I am!

Spot on I say ... Spot on dammit!

I know what my mom and dad's last wishes are, but I'm not going to pay a monthly installment to an insurance company so I am financially covered. Those cheap f*ckers would probably give the job to the lowest bidder.

I was at P.C. Richard and Chadd asked, "Do you want the $169.00 three year extended warranty?" He added, "If it breaks the average service call is $80.00."

I said, "It comes with a one year warranty." Then I added, "Are you saying it will break once a year for the two years after that?" "What kind of piece of shit is this?"

He looked at me with a blank face. Then he started typing into the computer. Then he asked me again!!!

He with be working for Nationwide before the year is out ... I tell you!

5:16 PM  
Blogger anne altman said...

my mother sent me a living will to sign about 10 years ago. we're not going out terri schaivo in the altman camp.

10:40 PM  
Blogger Shadowspun said...

We've discussed my grandmother's wishes. We all know her insurance policy is to pay for the middle-quality casket ("It was good enough for Bob [my grandfather], it's good enough for me."). Sometimes you actually do dicuss these things. Jeez, I've even told my family what to do if anything happens to me, and I have insurance.

However, you are very right about the cheeziness/ackiness factor of the American commercials. They're almost as bad as the Gerber Grow-Up Plan for Life and the John Basedow Fitness Made Simple infomercials. (I watch a lot of Sci-Fi Channel.) I liked that Thai one much better. I wonder if Thai Life ever serves the US? Hmm.

10:35 PM  

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