Sunday, April 09, 2006

Be Prepared

April 9th 2006 -The Bush administration is studying options for military strikes against Iran as part of a broader strategy of coercive diplomacy to pressure Tehran to abandon its alleged nuclear development program, according to U.S. officials and independent analysts.

No attack appears likely in the short term, and many specialists inside and outside the U.S. government harbor serious doubts about whether an armed response would be effective. But administration officials are preparing for it as a possible option and using the threat "to convince them this is more and more serious," as a senior official put it.

According to current and former officials, Pentagon and CIA planners have been exploring possible targets, such as the uranium enrichment plant at Natanz and the uranium conversion facility at Isfahan.

Due to the fact that much of our available military force is already deployed in the Middle East, the administration has been forced to look within. To pick up the slack, our National Guardsmen have been enlisted into the “War on Terror” and stretched to their limits in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Who then is left to fight for our freedom in Iran? Not to be deterred, Donald Rumsfeld has once again thought of an ingenious solution. The one major uniformed force not yet tapped for mandatory service was plainly obvious … The Boy Scouts of America.

Hundreds of thousands of these brave young men have started to pack for the western border of Iraq. The military has offered a unique incentive for these happy campers. For every nuclear target successfully eliminated, the responsible troop and it’s den leader will receive their nuclear merit badge.

If that weren’t enough to get the Iranians on the run, a flanking pincer maneuver will be conducted from the south and east by dozens of Girl Scout Troops. Armed with poison boxes of Samoas and Lemon Drop cookies, they will wreak havoc the likes of which Iran has not seen since the reign of the Shaw. Rumsfeld has dubbed this sneak snack attack Operation “Out of the Box”

Commander Ariel Sheehan of Worster Massachusetts (Pictured Below) talked with reporters yesterday and was quoted as saying “I am ready to kick some Iranian ass for the good of worldwide democracy, and Christ our Lord.”

Jump on the team, and come on in for the big win!


Blogger Carly said...

Hi Peter :)

Thank you for the comment you left on my blog. Sigh. It does seem like we are headed for some scary days ahead, however, the optimist in me hopes not. Sad times.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Peter Matthes said...

Don't worry Carly. The 2006 elections will be the beginning of the end for George W. Bush.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Shadowspun said...

Thin Mints as throwing stars with a bit of change at the factory? Of course, Caramel Delites truly qualify as a deadly weapon. We could get them hooked like Tribbles in a grain silo.


6:54 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home