Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I have a bridge to sell you.

NEW YORK (March 21) - In 17 years of working in the darkened nooks and crannies of the city's bridges, Joe Vaccaro has made some unusual finds. However, none of them matched the level of intrigue generated by another discovery he and his co-workers made in the Brooklyn Bridge.

As they made their way through the musty, dusty and dark structural foundations on the bridge's Manhattan side last week, they discovered a Cold War-era cache of provisions to have been used in the wake of a nuclear attack: some 350,000 packaged crackers, paper blankets, metal drums for water and medical supplies.

Department of Transportation officials, who control the bridge, did not want the exact location of the items publicized, citing security reasons.

Okay ... is it just this reporter ... or does anyone else find it strange that part of the "structural foundation" of the Brooklyn Bridge has gone unchecked for over fifty fucking years? This is an amazing example of the Department of Homeland Security and your tax dollars hard at work. I am surprised they would even let this story get out. When this reporter tried to reach Michael Chertoff, the Secretary for the Department of Homeland Security, he offered this answer.

"Due to budget issues and a lack of available funds, some areas of the Brooklyn Bridge were left in a lowered state of security. Rather than the Code Red used in high traffic areas, this "structural foundation" area was in Code Rose Pedal." "However, despite this lowered state of readiness, no one should assume that this area was not being watched." "Special Homeland Security agents disguised as sea gulls (pictured below) are on duty 24/7/365, keeping all the main access points to NYC safe at all times."

I don't know about you folks ... but this native NYC cub reporter will sleep a lot better knowing Michael Chertoff and the rest of the Homeland Security flock are hard at work.


Blogger claudia said...

That cold war stuff is so hot on e-bay right now. If only they'd start a Department of "I Sold it on E-Bay!"

2:54 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home